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  • Caroline S Joseph

Spiraling

Why do you shun your thoughts?

Who told you it was wrong to think?

Or are you afraid of facing the inevitable

Rabbit hole leading to a wonderland of insecurities?

Of the unaware and musty yesterday?

Of the unfinished person you are today?

Of the uncertain dreams for tomorrow?


The confident lass of the past didn’t wait

She took action, she knew she was right.

Or is that what you are afraid of?

Overconfidence leading to a rigid mindset

Overachieving leading to an infinite slump

Over assertive leading to a general disfavour

Is the past someone you want to let go of?


But she overcame right?

Those nagging body insecurities

Dark skin, early maturity, she got you through it?

For a concept that lay skin deep

It had a deeper impact than you care to admit.


She didn’t overanalyze your every move

Didn't rethink every sentence, every word, every syllable

Why do you assume you are bound to say it wrong?

Why do you assume no one would want to listen?

Why is it you scrutinize their plausible reactions

Before you blurt it out?

Does the world's approval really mean that much?


Or is it just the people you admire you worry about?

Do they enjoy your company?

Are you interesting? Easy to talk to?

But you refuse to talk, keep them at arm's length.

Got to bring those walls down

If you want a connection.


Does it scare you what’s to come?

That a guaranteed successful life,

Is suddenly just a probability.

The fear of not being good enough,

Manifesting as a reason to stay unproductive?

A reason to question your ability,

What was once your strength

Just isn't cutting it out anymore?


But even if you attained success would you be happy?

Content for sure, but excited about life?

Is that the life your ten-year-old self had envisioned?

Would it leave the mark of your existence

If you did stick to the plan

Can your ego handle that?

Can you go through with it, knowing

You wouldn't matter to the grand scheme of things?


But you can always change the lives of the few.

The few you love and treasure

The few that matter

So stop overthinking your life away,

Take a chance and trust that the outcome will be positive.

Like the Cheshire Cat in Alice’ point of view

Your insecurities are invisible,

Save the glimpse in your telling smile.


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